I wanted to drop you a line, dear reader. I want to let you know that I am thinking of you today. If this day is wonderful for you I am so happy. I want to say to everyone Merry Christmas. This day may be hard for you. This day may be depressing. This day may make you want to take drastic measures to end your suffering. If that is you, don’t do it. If this is just another hard day for you, I want to give you a little encouragement. This too shall pass. Every day ends and the next day begins. A couple of years ago, I had a weird Christmas day. My son and I had our Christmas presents and our breakfast. I dropped him off at his dad’s house and came home. I sat waiting for my boyfriend and his daughter to come over. I watched a TV show for a couple of hours to pass the time. Then, in the middle of my ordinary Christmas day, I watch the woman on the TV show get engaged. She was pretty jacked up in my opinion. I compared her level of crazy to my level of crazy and found that she was a little crazier than me. I began a downward spiral that sent me to bed in tears. I lay there for hours even after my boyfriend and his daughter came over. I finally fell asleep. When I woke up, he was still there. We didn’t open presents, just sat together. They had eaten with his family. I ate a sandwich and had a drink. We opened presents the next morning. I never told him what my problem was. I figured it out later with my counselor – I was so tired of being alone and unloved and believed that I was unlovable. Everywhere I turned, women were getting engaged and I was still alone. I compared and contrasted. I ignored that I had many achievements, a lovely home, a fantastic son, and a great boyfriend. I wanted to be partnered up and it wasn’t happening. We ended up getting engaged a year later. We got married a year after that. Now we’re spending our first Christmas together. Looking back I’m glad that I had to go through that. If things hadn’t happened the way they did I’d have missed out on some wonderful things. I’m sad that I spent that day in tears wishing for something that wasn’t even possible. I missed a whole day of goodness and all that I did have when I focused on the things I didn’t have. If this is you today – alone, lonely, or sad, please know it will pass. Some coping mechanisms that I have learned over the years:
- Focus. Narrow your focus to the amount of time that you can handle. Even down to right now. Just do something to help you right now. if all you can handle is this second, focus on that.
- Care. Take care of yourself today. Get some cozy socks, a blanket, and a cup of cocoa. Watch a movie or a couple of episodes.
- Connect. Call a friend, visit a family member, zoom or google meet people over the distance.
- Get out. Take a walk to connect your body to the earth. Observe the trees, the ground, your feet, and what it feels like to walk.
- Pray. Talk to God about what you’re feeling today. It doesn’t matter what the feelings are, he’ll hold your hand and be with you.
- Count. Count your blessings. Think of all the things in everyday life that you have. List them out. It helps to move your focus to something else.
- Play. Play a game. It doesn’t matter what kind, just do it. Have a little fun, laugh.
- Quiet. Take some time to exist. Do a puzzle, read a book, meditate, do a breathing exercise, take a bath. Whatever it is that will soothe you, do it.